Leaders often find themselves in the heat of emotionally charged moments.
Tensions rise. Fingers point. And suddenly, you’re in the crosshairs.
In these moments, you have a choice. You can defend yourself, justify, react…
Or you can pause, stay grounded, and lead with calm clarity.
Simply put, you can choose to model high character and flex your Big R, or you can default to your small r — otherwise known as your ego.
What Is Your Big R and Small R?
Big R: A healthy relationship with self, expressed through humility, authenticity, confidence, and a focus on purpose over ego.
Small R: A reactive state fueled by defensiveness, blame, or self-importance when tension runs high.
And here’s the key: there are no Big R or small r people, only Big R and small r moments.
An inspired leader in our last Activation Session described their own moment of self-awareness mid-meeting when they were being blamed for a mistake:
“I wanted to argue, but I stopped. I listened. That pause shifted everything.”
That’s the power of having a Big R — awareness, an opportunity to reset, and a choice to elevate.
Why the Big R Matters
When leaders operate with a Big R, they also model high character. They:
- Build trust that outlasts disagreement.
- Defuse conflict before it defines the culture.
- Inspire others to rise above the noise.
High character is contagious.
When you choose to model a Big R in tense moments, you invite others to do the same.
How to Strengthen Your Big R
- Pause. Take a breath before reacting.
- Reframe. Ask yourself: What’s the bigger purpose here?
- Recognize. Celebrate Big R moments in yourself and in others.
You can’t always control the misalignment around you. But you can control how you show up.
Choose a healthy Relationship with yourself and watch your team follow.